January 25, 2026

I recently received an email from my former roommate at the rehab center telling me about some problems she's been having to deal with and feeling guilty about not working on her goals and thus being a bad accountability partner.  I haven't answered her yet, but when I do, I'm not only going to have to 'fess up to my own stagnation, but also tell her to embrace what she perceives as her shortcomings and use them to motivate her to take steps forward.  I have to remember that advice as well.

I have no concrete reasons for not following through with what I've laid out to do, but I can't deny that I'm feeling really down lately.  There has been zero progress by Chris around the house, other than putting all of my Philosophy products on a bathroom rack, thus I'm still looking around at a mess.  He hasn't touched my office, so I still have just this spot in the house; even if I were compelled to work at the dining room table I couldn't because it's still covered in crap.  It's all making me really depressed and unmotivated, to be honest.  I know I should just snap out of it.  I know this.  

And now his father is in the ICU with pancreatitis and heart issues, so that is weighing heavily on his mind too, and he'll be spending time with his mom and dad in the hospital, which isn't super nearby.  Not to bring this back to me, but I'm just saying, it looks like nothing is going to change around here for the foreseeable future.  

I also haven't watched any films - I'm trying to balance expiring Criterion titles with Oscar nominees - so I'm hoping to get back on the stick with that this week, depending on how insane my days are.  It's going to be a busy week because I have a lot of deliverables for a retreat we're having on Tuesday the 3rd, so I have to decide if I'm going to try to do it this week or wait until the weekend.  I'm thinking the former, despite the fact that I will have to work with "older" data.  Oh well.  I just don't think I should be the guy who always has to work nights and weekends just because I work remotely.  I still put in 10 hour days daily, never take a lunch.

What I HAVE done is read this weekend - I read Jennette McCurdy's book "Half His Age" which is a novel that is sort of Lolitaesque but from her perspective.  It wasn't transcendently good but I did read it in one evening.  And I started "The Dinner Party" last night and read more earlier this evening.  I may try to finish it tonight, we'll see.  Because...

I start school tomorrow!  Two art history classes, one is American Colonial Art through 1870 and the other is Modernism and Avant-Garde through the 1960s.  After those two I just need Art History 101 and then I have my minor.  There is going to be a LOT of reading and homework, so that is all the more reason to get my shit together like, now.

Thursday is my doctor day, with an appointment with Dr. Bal, my new nephrologist, and then shortly after, I'm seeing an optometrist to get a professional exam and new prescription since I can barely see through my glasses anymore.  He won't remember me, but I'm excited to see Dr. Bal again - he was one of my attending physicians when I was in the hospital in October, and he was so great that he stood out among the hordes of doctors and nurses I met daily.

No goals right now because other than "read more" I haven't fulfilled the goals on my last post so stay tuned for that...haha.

xoxo Shelly

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