Let's Try This Again...
I'm not going to lie. This has been a really fucking challenging year. I've joked with people that I'm going to stop saying "Next year HAS to be better, right?" because the universe then replies, "Hold my beer." and the shit hits the fan. But it's seriously no joke anymore. I spent about six months out of twelve in either the hospital or a rehab facility and endured about 6 surgeries on my lungs and kidneys. Despite having a high deductible insurance plan, somehow not all of my expenses (or even a significant part of my responsibility) are applied to said deductible, so I've not only paid $6500 toward the deductible, but another $8000+ in costs that didn't hit that deductible. I started to hyperventilate when I neared the $15K mark so I just stopped. Not to mention that being sick is like another part-time job - I know I'm not alone in this. Between appointments, spending time making appointments, phone calls arguing about costs and prescription coverage, or clarifying policies - it really fucking sucks. I'm lucky to have a job that has been patient with me and also allows me to work from home. I've put in my dues in the last almost 22 years, but it's also nice to have some flexibility.
And then there's the whole financial thing. Chris has been out of a job since January other than a three week stint a couple of months ago that he got laid off from, so I've been paying for fucking everything. Rent, all bills, every morsel of food and drink that goes in his mouth. And he doesn't come cheap. The last time I tallied things up was a couple months ago and he had approached $20K that he owes me, just in living expenses. That doesn't count the other 35 or 40K he owed me prior to that and also the $7K I just paid off on the Bank of America card in my name because I couldn't trust that he was paying on time and he was also getting killed on finance charges. Which, of course he was, I told him about a dozen times not to use and fuck if he didn't run that thing up. As someone who pays their cards off at least once monthly, it's appalling and it's reflective of me and my credit. Christ. Private thoughts or not, I need to stop talking about this because the situation he's put me in is so financially dire I can literally feel my heart pounding in my chest. I'm not saving for retirement because I can't afford it, and I don't have a Daddy who is going to leave me six figures when they pass on.
Oh, and at the beginning of the year, our cat Hank got out and proceeded to walk around the neighborhood (and wherever else) for two weeks while we were devastated and me in hysterics. By some miracle, he came back, but I was in the hospital about a month later and ever since then he's completely ignored me but is so demonstrably affectionate with Chris it just breaks my heart and I cry about it probably once a week. The girls have been fine but Hank used to sleep on me all of the time here in the living room. I know it has a lot to do with the fact that they love to sleep on the bed, and Chris sleeps on the bed, but once again, he broke his side of the Sleep Number bed and so he's been sleeping on my side and I'm stuck on the recliner. Best $4000 I ever spent. Christ it really makes me mad when I actually "vocalize" it. That reminds me, I need to ask him where the money is he was going to Venmo me on Sunday if I agreed to get Olive Garden takeout. Almost Wednesday and nothing - that fucking tracks.
Okay, so enough of the fucking shit (and I haven't even gotten into work, my mobility issues, etc. and I'm going to talk for a minute about some positives now and going forward as well as some areas I would like to improve (I'm not using the "R" word.)
- I had some really great moments with Fredo today. Ironically, yesterday was the second anniversary of their "gotcha" day, and I posted a picture of her being all cute and cuddly when I used to work in my home office. She and Farley were sequestered in there because they were super skittish and after a few days she wouldn't leave me alone and would curl up in my arms while I tried to type. While she is affectionate with me, she's always interested in everything going on and follows her brother and sister around so she doesn't stay still much to get a proper petting. Until today. She climbed up, and even though I had the laptop on its stand in front of me, she crawled onto my chest and snuggled in while purring and booping my nose. She did this two different times and it made me immeasurably happy.
- I'm stent-free in my kidneys for the first time in almost a year. And while I still have sick kidneys and have to pee every two hours, I have an appointment with an amazing Nephrologist I met when I was in the hospital in October and hopefully he can start to figure out why I get so many stones and if medication will help. An added bonus - I've been either low-pain or pain-free, again for the first time in many months. And I just knocked on the woodwork next to my chair!
- I'm about to go into month #2 on Mounjaro. It was a really long road to get this approved, but apparently enduring blood sugar tests a couple times a day (usually just fine) and being told I was in danger of being pre-diabetic finally prompted my insurance company to pay for the meds. I have so much weight to lose and my mobility is still so bad because of my lack of strength etc. (and it's only been a month after all) so it's hard to see any real results, but I'm really hoping this will work out for me.
- I'm starting to read again. Granted, it's only been yesterday and today, and it's been this month's Vanity Fair and I'm about halfway through this week's The New Yorker, but hey - I'm reading them cover to cover and I need to ease back into it. It has also been convenient because I thought we were going to get an onslaught of donations, etc. these last couple of days for year end so I worked late last week and over the weekend to clear my schedule but... it hasn't worked out that way. Some gifts are coming in, but 90% of our staff are gone so I think that's contributing to some down time too - I get a lot of my questions and work from my co-workers needing help or data analysis and reporting rather than questions from donors. So, I've wanted to read something that's easily interruptible rather than getting into a book and getting annoyed by interruptions...lol I definitely have some reading goals for 2026.
- I finished my 2025 Criterion Challenge! This is so insignificant and so nerdy, but I know how bad I am at finishing projects, so completing this was a coup for me.
- I'm going back to school. Just a couple of art history classes, but I want to get my minor (at least) in Art History. Possible work in Political Science in the future as well, since I so desperately want to do more scholarship in History but there aren't any online graduate programs offered by UWM so this is my next best option. We'll see. I may take my two classes from January to May and remember why I was glad to take a break after getting my two degrees...lol There's always the dozens and dozens of history books I own that I can read.
- I quit smoking this year. I'm nearing one year smoke-free, and I'm not going to lie: it hasn't been easy and there are times when I would love nothing more than to have a cigarette (right now in fact) but I haven't touched them and I'm sure I'm more healthy because of it, and I'm not sure I could have actually afforded it, now that I think about it.
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