It's been a few...
...but I'm not going to beat myself up about it. (Yet another 2026 affirmation!) It's been a little bit of a challenging week, but not for any specific reason. I know a big part of it is laziness, and more is a result of frustration, and of course having busy and full days of work each day doesn't help.
I'm frustrated because pretty much nothing has gotten done around the house, and the issue is that I'm waiting on Chris for most, if not all of it. I've asked a couple of times what I can do to move things along, and he's put me off every time because he's made the messes and needs to do organization to take care of it. This is leading to a lot of disappointment on my end, and I'm fucking tired of nagging him but he makes promises every single day and then defaults on them. I tried to circumvent this by sitting him down early afternoon Friday to make a plan for the weekend, and explained to him how depressing it is for me to sit here and look around and see clutter everywhere, the dinner table covered with his shit and the same with the dining room credenza. And because he broke the bed and totally destroyed my office (which he promised to put back together back in early November while I was still in rehab) I have nowhere to go in this house but this recliner I'm sitting in. That's fucking bullshit. And now I'm getting mad again, especially as I remember our conversation Friday when he was all, "Oh, I'll have the office done by Saturday afternoon! We'll have time to go through the pantry this weekend!" and it's now 9:30pm on Sunday night and guess what? The table is still covered, the credenza is still cluttered, my office can't be walked into and my office can't easily be accessed, not to mention my computer isn't plugged in for some reason. It's such fucking bullshit. Yes, it snowed this weekend off and on, and yes, he went outside and shoveled a bit twice for an aggregate 30 minutes or so, which is great, but come fucking on.
I think part of my laziness is because I'm like, "Well, he doesn't care - why should I?" and I am frustrated because when I was driving the tasks shit got done, and now, nothing. But I can't keep living like this. I just don't know how to inspire him. I thought maybe after we did so much work in the kitchen and he talked about how great it felt to get it organized that would do something but apparently not. Another issue - because I haven't been cooking - is that our fridge is on the fritz and we're not getting one until this coming week. That is not to say that I shouldn't be cooking - I am thawing a couple of things to do just that - but for obvious reasons, we're pretty bare bones in the fridge until we get the new one. I'm going to need to cook the burgers and make the tortellini probably tomorrow sometime because I've got a lot of stuff going on all day and night Tuesday. But it's like, "what the fuck else?"
Speaking of Tuesday, Mom, Bailey, Matt and I are having our first "We Are Family" video call that I've scheduled for Tuesday nights every three weeks. I'm excited to talk to everyone but as selfish as it is, I'm hoping it's just going to be the four of us (at least at first.) Which reminds me, I have to send a birthday card to Brecken this week - her birthday is Sunday. I was going to send a gift but not at this point. The Christmas Eve thing was an awkward start; I probably would feel better if we'd talked more or things had gone a little differently. I'm sure time will improve things.
I've complained enough, how about some good things? I watched a couple of films this week, though I wanted to watch more. I am really trying to cut down on shit TV but sometimes after work it's all I can do to just stare at something done while playing games online or whatever. I need some improvement in that area, but it's early. I also wanted to set a goal of reading a book a week (at least) and I'm not there yet and I have a little catching up to do, but I did read a good book yesterday that I finished up this morning called Still True by Maggie Ginsberg. I need to see if she has any other novels because her storytelling style is a lot like Elizabeth Strout's - interweaving stories in a small town. It was a library book, and I have one more checked out online and then two physical library books next to me here on my side table that I'll read next. I was going to read The Girlfriends Book Club January choice in time for the discussion with the author on Tuesday, but now that I'm busy I'm not going to spaz about it.
Oh! And I did my taxes tonight. Glad to get that over with, but also glad that I'm getting a little more in a return this year. Lord knows I need it after the Mounjaro bullshit. (I don't remember if I mentioned it in an earlier post, but I have to pay $975/month until my high deductible of $6500 is met.)
Setting goals for this week is tough because so many things are predicated on Chris, but here's what I have control over and will do my damndest to complete.
- Get back to cooking. Just because we don't have our new fridge yet doesn't mean I can't use up what we currently have in there. I'll cook the burgers and the tortellini with sauce tomorrow so we'll have dinner, maybe lunch on Tuesday, and dinner on Tuesday covered. I think we may be getting the fridge Wednesday, but if not we have other options.
- Start exercising. Set up a daily routine, even if it's just doing leg exercises for a few minutes to start. I have the new Cubii that just needs to get assembled and then I can use that too. I also need to figure out where all of my exercise stuff is going to go where it's easy to access.
- Go through all of the expenses from the last few months and get caught up on what Chris owes me from this past year.
- Read more. Try to get through two books, but don't forget the magazines I love either.
- Watch at least 4 movies this week. Silly to make a goal for watching movies, but if I don't I won't get through the challenges and lists I set for myself.
- Get better about blogging. 'Nuff said.
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